Catch-22: 22 Jump Street Review

THIS MOVIE WAS SPOILER-PROOF TO BEGIN WITH

Forget p90x, Insanity, AND Hip Hop Abs! The best way to get the abs that you want is by seeing 22 Jump Street! And if laughing fat off doesn't interest you, just shut up and go see it, narc.

There's a new drug on the streets and Jenko and Schmidt are at it again. They produced, collaborated (on the story), and starred in what I predict is going to be the best blockbuster of the summer.

The movie carried a broad self-awareness that answered a lot of questions, including "where can they go with a sequel to a reboot of a 1980's TV show?" or "how can they possibly build upon the unexpected success of the first movie?"

Silencing all of the critics, 22 took the exact formula from the first movie, sent it to hair & makeup, altered some wardrobes, added a Lamborghini full of money, and went with it.

That's basically it. I just told you the movie. Funny thing is, that's not even 20 ounces of it.

There are times in Hollywood history where a random anomaly arrives and truly shakes up the established status quot. George Lucas did it with Star Wars. The Wachowski Brother's (Sibling's, for political correctness) did it with the Matrix, and James Cameron did it with Avatar.

smh...

In each of these movies, there is an essential and unique characteristic that the viewer took from the movie: Space, Slow motion, and Visual Effects. Collectively, they all contributed turn-of-the-century special effects.

Within the comedy genre, the Hangover was considered to be avant-garde by telling a story backwards via an extensive amount of inebriation, and Rohypnol. The gimmick was very much appreciated for the first movie, but the sequels fell prey to the "viciously cyclic" nature of Hollywood, and what I like to call a Catch 22.

Attaching the phrase "damned if you do, and damned if you don't" to the term would be oversimplifying the term, but KNOW YOUR ROLE AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

Point blank, money will only be given if money is going to be made; instead of spending money on fresh/innovative ideas, the production company's will only invest in something they trust, which happens to be the original blueprint.

Hangover 2 and 3 sucked. Rush Hour 3 sucked. Men in Black 2 and 3 sucked. Evan Almighty sucked. , Legally Blonde 2, The Klumps, Major League II, Blues Brothers 2000, A Million Ways to Die in the West all freaking sucked. 

Okay, A Million Ways to Die in the West wasn't a sequel, but you get the drift of my extensive list. Despite all of them having the ability to suck a softball through a straw, the majority of them made significant profits. 

Needless to say, comedy sequels are not good ideas because they will more than undoubtedly suck and fester in the Hollywood Hall of WTF Moments. That being said, 22 takes the beaten path, or street, and stands out among some of the best comedies (not comedy sequels) since the new Millennium, even surpassing it's predecessor.

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!!

It's one thing to make a good comedy sequel (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Toy Story 2 and 3) but it's another thing to vehemently disagree with the established success and acclaim of your originator, to firmly insert yourself (that's what she said) among the ranks of any Todd Phillips/Judd Apatow/Adam McKay production (which covers the majority of the Frat Pack members).

OBVIOUS CLARIFICATION DISCLAIMER, BEGIN!

I am only referring to the post-90's teen comedy phase. The 90's teen comedy phase was when Adam Sandler (which is one of my favorite comedians (whose movies I love (except his recent ones))) could get away with murder by muddling sporadic/self-conscious/silly obscenities for 90 minutes (wrapped in a story with an underlying positive message) and break the bank in the box office.

OBVIOUS CLARIFICATION DISCLAIMER, FINISH!

This movie is an organic satire and allegory. Covering interracial dating, homosexual relationships, and friendship strains, the movie is an effective tool for relating to the nation's youths. 

Comedy's with messages are few and far between these days. Also, the movie basically parodies and satirizes itself throughout the whole movie.

22 is vastly aware of itself, as it calls out the nature of its creation in the beginning of the movie. This establishes an organic satire-feel (echo!) throughout the movie that is filled with Easter eggs. This awareness creates a "self-depreciation" tone that ironically doesn't make you feel sorry for the film; it makes you appreciate it more.

Irony is used explicitly, natural comedy is called upon, and the character's chemistry is at an all time high in buddy cop history, channeling their inner Riggs & Murtaugh, Carter & Lee, and Hoitz & Gamble.

Lethal Weapon 5 on VHS and DVD

Of course physical comedy always follows Jonah Hill so that adds to the comedic punch, on top of Channing Tatum's impressive dumb-jock comedic performance.

You might be asking, "how could he have gotten any dumber?' or "is it really that hard to play a dumb-jock?". Well the fact of the matter is, Tatum outdid his previous shenanigans and served up a very entertaining comedic performance.

Jonah Hill takes a back seat in this one, but he's still as funny as he was in the first film. Hill also flexes his acting chops; it's a real pleasure to see the duality of an actor in such a silly movie.

Sidebar: Tatum also performs some pretty impressive stunts, that put me more at ease about his casting as Gambit.

**cues Pony by Ginuwine**

Story wise, to say that they told me what was coming, and still put together an interesting plot showed that the writing in this movie was phenomenal.

For me to know what was going to happen and still be surprised obviously makes me an idiot, according to the movie. But for the sake of my intelligence, the movie added a subtle Law & Order-like plot twist that made me feel even lesser; so...my intelligence wasn't salvaged after all.

Mad love to the writer's for incorporating Ice Cube into a vital role for the plot. Despite him being blacker than you can ever imagine, which is something acknowledged in the first movie (angry black police chief), he was a delight to watch throughout the film.

Do you remember Tyrese in Transformer's or in any movie for that matter, saying every line in the Stereotypical Black Supporting Character Encyclopedia Vol. 17? Well, Ice Cube one-upped him in 22 taking the stereotype to another level.

The movie cameos were great, as they did not pull an Anchorman 2 by just throwing people in the movie just for the hell of it.

Yeah...no comment

The action in this movie, predominantly Channing Tatum, was more voluminous as compared to the first film, but not to the point where it took away from the plot. The action sequences had just a much comedy as the rest of the movie, so it's not like the tone of the movie changed to a scene from Drive Angry.

Drive Angry...you know that movie with Nicholas Cage?

The jokes ran rampantly throughout the movie, virtually not giving me any time to recover from the previous joke. The jokes were witty, raunchy, subtle, quirky, spastic, physical, whatever you wanted it to be; 22 served up a platter-full of jokes that kept me in tears.

Overall, the movie gets an A+ for basically showing you its hand and still taking the pot; it's easy to do so when you have a royal flush. Also, the movie avoided the contradicting conventions placed on it by Hollywood: same plot, more money, same expectations. 

EXTENDED SIDEBAR: BEGINNING

Moreover, the only way the production companies will green-light a sequel is if the first movie makes a significant profit; regardless of how good the movie is, the production company will back a sequel blindly.

And in order to make money, you have to make a good movie; making a good movie by Hollywood's standards (guns, explosions, laughs, formulaic plot) will make money, which will influence them to make another movie. On and on and on and on, the cipher's keep moving like a rolling stone.

This is NOT an Erykah Badu comic book btw

BUT! The whole point from jump street (ha) was to make a good movie. Who honestly goes out and says "let's make a terrible movie!" or "you know what guys, I hope we don't make any money in the box-office!"?

FYMF!!!

Therefore, if they keep making good movies while bringing in serious cheese, then who's to say when the franchise will reach its zenith? Unfortunately, the franchise will run itself into the ground without any artistic integrity left to bear.

So how do you avoid this Hollywood Catch 22 of "damned if you do, damned if you don't" syndrome? Well, you must bypass the system. GEE DANNY! HOW DO YA BYPASS THE SYSTEM?!?!

The solution is simple: air out your dirty laundry. 22 is clearly aware of its situation, and strives to avoid conventionality by calling itself out on numerous occasions. The end credit scenes serve as the cherry-on-top, as it basically closes its loop, leading the viewer to believe that it will go out on its own terms.

EXTENDED SIDEBAR: ENDING

All in all, drop everything that you are doing right at this instant and go see this freaking movie right now! This is a fun movie to go see, so do not wait until the weekend to go see it. Hell, if you can get a good torrent file, torrent this sumbitch right now; I do not condone torrent-ing, but this movie is really good (acting/comedy/writing/directing/story/action-wise).

I couldn't resist...

In the dictionary of Hollywood Cinema, there is a definition listed called "summer blockbuster". Next to this definition, a picture of 22 Jump Street is there shooting it's guns in the air like the BAMF (bad ass motherfucker) it is.

this one

Laughs. Action. Hell-yeah Moments. Good plot. Explosions. These are the words that describe 22 Jump Street. Do yourself a favor and go Catch this movie...or keep reading your Wine & Cheese Enthusiast Magazine, narc.

One Way to Die at the Movie Theater: A Million Ways to Die in the West Review

NO SPOILERS!!!!!!!

What do you get when you take a terrible Adam Sandler movie, send it to a liberal arts university (not a state school) in the north east, and then send it back in time? A Million Ways to Die in the West.

Seth MacFarlane is back again with another extremely long episode of American Guy/Family Dad. This time he pulls a Tyler Perry and writes, directs, and acts in A Million Ways to Die in the West (The West, because I'm lazy); alongside Charlize Theron and the end all be all, Liam Neeson's.

Two years ago he released Ted in his directorial debut, which surprisingly turned an iconic toy into a foul-mouthed smash hit. Ted kicked ass in the box-office, was written extremely well, AND it was actually a good movie from all aspects (directing, plot, character development, punchlines, anecdotes, drama); well, if you could get passed the talking bear.

Like Ted, A Million Ways to Die in the West was written extremely well, but where Ted succeeded in story telling, character development, casting, and everything else West of the Louisiana Purchase, The West failed horribly and for multiple reasons.

For starters, it was a victim of its long, convoluted, and egregiously specific title. A title that literally shot itself in the foot, aiming for a toenail.

Have you ever seen that show 1000 Ways to Die? You know, the show that explicitly detailed the way you can die by sitting on an aerosol can? Well, the allure behind that show, TV show mind you, was to display 1000 ways that you could die outside of common deaths: car accidents, cancers, cardiac complications, another c word that I forgot.

So, approaching The West, OH! CRACK COCAINE that's the other c word, I expected to actually view the million ways to die in the West that I've never heard of before. Okay okay, maybe not actually ALL of the million but a hefty amount.

So why in the wild wild west did I only see ten?!?! Was the movie called, 10 ways to die in the West....um no, so por que la película llamada...oh sorry I speak Spanish after terrible movies, why is the movie called A Million Ways to Die in the West?!?!

As a matter of fact, this movie showed you a million ways to do something else: look hapless into the death stare of love only coming to the realization that your sought driven pilgrimage was a farce, and the object of your deferment should have been your affection the whole time. Yeah, quasi-Forgetting Sarah Marshall/Nick & Norah formula.

Unlike my motives for watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, I didn't freaking go to a Seth MacFarlane movie which advertises COMEDY COMEDY COMEDY, oh and raunchy, shocking comedy, to watch a break-up romantic comedy with a recycled formulaic plot (by the way, the writing in those two movies...phenomenal **Jim Rome voice**).

Another thing that really grinds my gears about this movie is that it did not have a casting director. Stan Smith basically called up his buddies and solicited their services for his movie: the Batman's/Obi-Wan Kenobi's/Perseus's mentor, the porcelain skinned South African beauty, the Mouth filthier than the Nazi's morality during WWII, Doogie Howser, "Grandmother, what big eyes you have?", and the creep from his last feature film; at least that's what it felt like, because I couldn't have selected a group of people worse for the parts in the film.

Not saying that the group of actors and actresses are not talented in their own right (because they really are), but give me a list of people who you could NOT imagine acting in a Western comedy, and I bet Seth MacFarlane, Liam Neeson, Charlize Theron, Giovanni Ribisi, Sarah Silverman, Amanda Seyfried, and Barney Stinson make your list 99% of all the time.

All of them just felt out of place, from Sarah Silverman's raspy voice to Liam Neeson's native tongue (he's from Ireland...outlaw in Arizona? I think not).

Hell, even Charlize Theron's gorgeous face and Seth MacFarlane's supreme awareness as a sheep herder (associated with a lower status in the movie) felt wrong.

Just like this photo and what it implies

Neil Patrick Harris, playing a pompous douche-bag-starter-kit-with-instructions, was overly pretentious for a westerner and was seemingly tabbed solely for the dance number (it wouldn't be a MacFarlane production without one). The only people that sort of fit their parts in the West were the two people who disappeared from the movie for quite a while, Amanda Seyfried and Giovanni Ribisi.

Aside from the bogus title (which the main character says in the movie), the weak wack wopsided plot, and the casting, or lack thereof, the movie STILL sucked. Did I like it? Of course I did; I've honestly seen every episode of Family Guy, even the episodes in season 17.

The movie's jokes were smaht **Boston accent** ("smart" for the Harvard students) with depth that took shots at society's flaws, even modern day society's flaws.

The jokemaker and jokesayer, Seth MacFarlane, suffered from his own handsome-clean cut-racially ambiguous look, along with the fact that his fleshy self does not have an established character analysis or typecast.

Since Family Guy has characters that have been developed over a span of 12 seasons, jokes are associated with the specific character personas.

For simplicity, you could not imagine Peter Griffin making a coherent quip about politics; this type of joke is generally associated with Brian Griffin.

So with Seth MacFarlane not previously establishing his character in The West (by not acting in other movies), we get a guy basically doing "stand-up" in a movie (see Martin Lawrence), especially since he baited his jokes.

If he had starred in a couple of movies (as well as avoided hosting award's shows smh) prior to this, then maybe the general public would have gotten used to seeing his face in movies; perhaps then, his joke delivery would have probably been more readily accepted on the silver screen.

Baiting jokes? What do I mean by this? I mean just look above and notice the 14 different cranial/facial gestures he's doing with just four words (he's classically influenced and is a great orator, so I don't blame him).

Moreover, delivering jokes in front of a microphone and from behind an animated character in a TV show, gives you free reign on looking, acting, and even being however you want. If Seth MacFarlane picks his nose right before he delivers a punchline as Dr. Hartman then we wouldn't even notice. 

If you always tilt your head sideways prior to telling a joke, then the joke won't have the same surprise effect then it normally would if you didn't bait the joke by just saying it bluntly, especially if you're doing shock-comedy.

I mean look how natural Theron looks versus how wide Stewie's mouth is (normally this is called "overacting")

So, my question is...why didn't he just adapt this into a Family Guy episode? I can totes see this in a "Road to...the Wild West" episode with Stewie and Brian.

Stewie Griffin as Neil Patrick Harris...too easy

I'll tell you why, in the words of the Big Three of the 1970's...no not Walt Frazier, Earl Monroe, and Willis Reed you basketball crazed vermin, but the O'Jay's "For The Love of Money".

Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world :-(

It's been two weeks since its release and The West has already made it's money back, and then some (50 million on a 40 million dollar budget).

So, mission accomplished for Seth MacFarlane, who directed the hell out of another movie, and managed to bring in some money for his long awaited Family Guy movie; you know, the one he's been working on for three years now, the one with Brian, Stewie, and Peter; ah, I'm looking forward to seeing it.

Seriously though, this is a Redbox only type of movie; honestly, wait until you get the free code via text to rent it. I would only go to the movies and see it if someone buys your ticket.

I liked the movie a lot for its ambition and laughed out loud proudly at the jokes, but the jokes were not constant enough to keep you entertained throughout a TWO HOUR ROMANTIC COMEDY WESTERN that you've probably already have seen before.

I mean, you've literally seen this movie before

When the jokes aren't rolling back to back (a nice portion of them are seen in the trailer btw) AND the movie's harlequin baits his jokes, the punchline leaves little room for surprises; this allows you to notice flaws in the movie that you normally wouldn't have noticed if the jokes were non-stop.

Non-Stop just released on Blu-Ray/DVD/VHS/Google Play/Amazon Instant/iTunes June 10, 2014

Seth MacFarlane is a likable, funny guy who writes great jokes; I just think that Michael Cera (shown above Hannibal), Matt Damon, or even Mark Wahlberg would have crushed the lead role in this movie, since they have already established their likable, funny guy characters in other movies.

Get tha fuhk atta heah!

Since it will actually make you laugh, it was directed well, and it is making a lot of money in the box office, I will say that the movie is successful and Seth MacFarlane did a good job with what he sought out to do.

Unfortunately, because I had to wait in anticipation for the next joke, sifting longingly through dull plot points and holes, I can not give this movie a thumbs up; when the funny moments came, I came, but in my opinion there should never be a dull moment in a comedy...a summer comedy at that.

This obviously is his "go-to" move

Going into the movie knowing it's flaws will help you enjoy it, but with Neighbors already out and 22 Jump Street coming out today. I would use that 10 bucks on something more guaranteed, especially if Family Guy or American Dad isn't your cup of tea.

Watch 22 Jump Street out in theaters today 6/13/14...narc

Ultimately, this movie gets a big fat D...no not a penis, but the thing that "get's you degrees". For it's episodic like feel; concealment of the break-up rom-com story line in title and trailer; cheap cameos (Doc from Back to the Future, and Django from Django Unchained); infrequent witticism's to focus on a predictably bloated plot; talented yet poor choice in casting; and drawn out run time, the movie deserves the D, despite the great directing and intelligent, didactic jokes; I died twice: laughing when available, and watching...

That's me...on the ground...I have a glandular problem

The finished product is a cash cowboy that has a lot of nothing and some bright moments, only falling short to the creator's predecessor and ultimately suffering from the creator writing his self into a quagmire without a giggity to save it's life from a crash landing, alright!